“You sell WHAT?! Sex toys?!” *GASP*

A very funny thing happened last week. My husband woke up to get ready for work. The cellphone made some odd noise to signal that a text message had arrived… my husband’s cousin “Alter Ego?!?! What the f*ck?”

We couldn’t help but snigger away at this. Yes. My cousin-in-law (is there such a word?) had found my sex toy peddling website. Apparently it didn’t fit into his bourgeois ideals of what an innocent (?!), nice (?!?!?!), newly married couple should be up to in order to earn a few extra quid.

We both couldn’t quite help it. Having grown up a bit (ok well maybe not entirely), our teenage juvenile tendencies of wanting to shock and awe people surfaced once again. I suggested to my husband that he should reply “Oh, that… Yes, it’s Hedonist’s website. Want anything, I’ll give it to you at cost price!”… Imagining his distraught cousin, trying to catch his breath “Impossible! They couldn’t possibly suggest that I would want…..???”

Well either way. His cousin unfortunately didn’t want to buy anything. Upon asking how he found the website, he said “Someone told him”. Who this someone was, and how they had found it was not shared with us. But seriously it’s not rocket science. There is a (unfortunate?) law in Britain which states that if you operate a business, your customers should know who you are. So you are required to put your name on your letterhead or website or whatever. So that’s just it. Somebody had Googled our name(s). Well glad to see at least some keyword is bringing in traffic, althought not really my target audience… I should be thrilled my site is gaining exposure, but unfortunately I don’t ship to India… So it’s not really helping my sales at all!

A few days later, Odzer told me that apparently this shocking discovery is doing the rounds amongst people we used to hang out with regularly. I imagine it must have hurt their sensitive sentiments. Well don’t worry folks! We’re married. We’re allowed to be dirty minded now. Not that it stopped us before! Ha! (Oh did I just say that out loud? In my mind I hear a thumping sound of someone keeling over after having fainted).

I mean, I have been fairly reserved during most of my time in India.. But I do remember one fateful morning when the birds were chirping, and the sun was coming out… in a tent in a small resort somewhere in the middle of nowhere near Ropar, Punjab, there was a couple lying in bed. With some rowdy people coming in and threatening to pull away the sheets if we didn’t get our asses out of bed. It was the morning after a night of binge drinking to commemorate the anniversary of a motorcycle club. All very nice respectable people, who ride motorcycles. Who got together to have fun. I can tell you with complete certainty, IT IS A GOOD THING YOU LEFT THOSE SHEETS WHERE THEY WERE! 😉

I mean I don’t know whose idea that was, but if you have a couple in a tent, sharing a bed, after a night of sticking together being publicly affectionate. What did you really expect to find under those sheets? 🙂

Now I would like to ask, in all honesty. ARE YOU REALLY SURPRISED?

God I’m enjoying this. Nowadays I don’t need to dress up in “Cradle of Filth” t-shirts, black hair and heavy black eyeliner in order to shock people! I just have to tell them what I do: This is great!

I will bow in front of the crowd, my arms spread in a welcoming gesture “Please, don’t be shy, come in, come in my children, visit my website of perverted depravity. Buy from my temple of lust! Rabbit vibrators and chains and whips for everybody! There is no God! There is only Sin! *evil deep voice* Mhuahahahahahaaaa!”

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6 Comments »

  1. jdoco15 Said:

    Loved your article. My wife and I recently launched a site with the purpose of assisting couples looking to add more romance, fun, sex, and intimacy to their relationship. Finding alone time is not easy. At http://www.intimatesurprises.com We deliver a monthly intimacy kit filled with items chosen to inspire couples to put a do not disturb on the bedroom door. The idea is that a sexy, sensual, intimate and yes, fun interlude can be delivered to your doorstep each month. Its take out for your sex life. Just add two lovers and enjoy.

  2. Quirky Indian Said:

    LOL!

    Cheers,

    Quirky Indian
    http://quirkyindian.wordpress.com

  3. hedonist666 Said:

    @jdoco15; Interesting site you have there, does it work? It’s quite vague, so I imagine people would hesitate parting with their money if they don’t know what sort of thing they’re getting….
    And since you’re copy pasting the same comment to seemingly various blogs tagged “sex” (also on my other blog, alteregouk.wordpress.com), do you have one of your own where I can return the favour and advertise my own site? 😉

    @Quirky Indian; 🙂 interesting review of the new James Bond flick on your site btw.

  4. odzer Said:

    @ hedonist : Oh dear. Actually I learnt it much later about the “About US” page and from our dear group. I had no idea that you had to have your names in there. I would definitely say that the law is a bit strange. In any case I am sure that the shock and awe will wear off soon enough. I know how long you have been trying to put this site live and how much research and work you have put in to it. So I say any publicity is good! Do what you do and the rest does not matter.

  5. hedonist666 Said:

    Well I can understand that the government wants to protect consumers so wants them to know whom they just gave money to.. and the way around that is to incorporate your business. But that’s expensive in terms of taxes.

    And shock and awe wearing off? Oh I hope not. My imagination was running wild and I was quite enjoying the idea actually.

  6. […] – newcomers (or those who missed my post from 11 November 2008 – You sell WHAT?! Sex Toys>! *GASP*) may be a little confused regarding what I’m aiming the above remarks at. Well read that […]


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